Sunday, November 15, 2009

Lillie, where are you?

I'M RIGHT HERE!

As you can see, I haven't been too great at updating. Life has been, well, busy.

With Michael being gone all week and me being the sole person to keep things "up and running" in our household, as well as caring for Wesley and Sophia, I have been stressed - to say the least.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy, just feeling overwhelmed in between all of the happy moments.

Since Michael has been away from us I have pretty much locked myself and the kids in the house, only venturing out when necessary, and of course to visit with my family in town, but... that's about it.

I have been stressed with caring for the kids by myself all week, taking care of the dog, cooking, laundry, dishes, shopping, bank, bills, callings, extended family, etc. I have also been stressed out about our "five year plan". I want to move back to KY. Yes, I will miss Vegas, and my family, but I miss Louisville. I know the grass is not greener on the other side, but in the aspect of raising a family, Louisville is a MUCH better pick the Las Vegas.

Well, Michael and I FINALLY sat down and really talked about it. I didn't want to, because I hate making decisions and I just didn't think I could handle talking about packing up and moving again so soon ( I HATE PACKING ). Well, MUCH to my surprise, Michael told me he feels we need to stay here in Las Vegas. He is going to take the BAR exam, and go from there. Yes, he still wants to work for the IRS, but until the happens, he wants to stay put.

When he told me this I was shocked, sad, worried, and happy, all at the same time. Shocked he wants to stay here, sad we wont be going back to KY as soon as I thought, worried about the kids growing up in such a big scary city, and happy that I do not have to worry about packing and moving for at least a couple of years.

Will we head back to KY? I hope so, but I don't know. If the IRS offers him a job in Louisville, then heck yeah, KY here we come! Until then, we will work with what The Lord gives us, and enjoy it.

So, amidst all of the stress...

For about 2 months I found myself eating, and eating, and EATING to fill the time and keep a smile on my face, but that smile didn't last long. I got myself to the heaviest I have ever been in my life.

I finally realized that my weight has been affecting my mood, confidence, and all around level of happiness, so back to Weight Watchers I went.

I joined W.W. in Etown, KY about, oh... 3 years ago I think, and I lost a lot of weight, 30-40 pounds I think, but then along came Sophia - and now... here I am.

It feels so good to be back on a program, though it's hard to get used to. I have been exercising as well (which I hate to do), and I am amazed at how my mood and attitude has changed in such a short amount of time.

I am really trying to be the person I know I am deep inside, and on the outside. It's been hard with all of the stress, but I finally feel motivated and more importantly, that The Lord wants me to work harder at being who I know I am supposed to be. When I'm happy, I am a much better wife and mother.

I know this is a bit all over the place, but I have had so many "where are you?" emails, and wanted to get everyone up to date.

SOOOO.... now that things have gotten a little more organized, now that there is a routine... and a plan... I am finally feeling like smiling, a lot!

Oh, and there WILL be posts with pictures of my kiddos coming soon!